Flip the Switch


In a few weeks my husband and I will celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary. I will always remember the day I became his wife. We were blessed to have our family and friends spend one of the best days of our lives with us. We laughed, we cried, we danced and had a great time. The love and happiness that filled us that day was immeasurable. Just the other day my son got a hold one of our wedding albums and as we flipped through the pages he came across this picture:


He yells “Momma!” “Ye,s that’s me,” I said. I pulled it out and stared at it for quite a while. I started to think, “What happened to me? Where did that girl go?”

After having my boys I felt like I couldn’t be the same person anymore. I wasn’t Robert’s WIFE any longer I was Ryan and Chase’s MOM. My two sons needed their mom for everything. How was I supposed to find the time to be a wife, too? When you have little ones sometimes your days become a blur. Every minute is spent doing something for them: feeding them, changing them, playing with them, bathing them, putting them to bed, getting up with them in the wee hours of the morning. Where does that leave the husband?

I remember one evening looking at my husband across the dinner table and thinking, “I want to engage in a conversation with you that has nothing to do with baby food, spit up, sleep patterns, or toddler behavior but can I?” I want to get all dressed up every time we make it out in public in the cutest shorts or skirt and top, makeup that looks natural, perfectly blown out hair and a crisp mani/pedi but honestly the quickest way for us to make it out the door is if I throw on my running shorts/yoga pants (FYI I don’t do yoga), flip flops, a t-shirt and tie my hair back. I don’t want us to become just roommates who share responsibilities for the little ones and the dog. I want you to see my at my best more often than at my worst. The question still remained, how do I manage that?

Since having my boys, learning to flip the switch between mommy and wife has been hard to do. Trust me when I tell you there are good intentions there but definitely still a work in progress. I had been so caught up in my mommy and work duties that I forgot that my husband needs my love, attention and encouragement just as much if not more so than my boys.


At first I thought I might be able to fix the situation by managing our time better. Maybe if we scheduled a regular date night that might help. We tried that except it wasn’t really so regular since finding a babysitter isn’t easy and then sometimes we were just so tired from the work week that it was easier to stay in. Although we don’t get out alone as often as we should the times we have managed to escape have been great. We’ve also made it a point to look for activities/events we know we both enjoy doing so we can schedule a sitter way in advance. I’m definitely not here to tell you to book your calendars with date nights all year but I do think some time alone when you are not mommy/daddy but rather husband/wife is a great way to refresh a relationship. Besides, everyone knows that even while out on date night the topic of conversation is always the KIDS!

The other thing I’m trying to be more conscious of is the fact that all men are visual. What does that mean? Well, those yoga pants I mentioned earlier are great but not all the time. I know I will have some of you who disagree with me and believe “inner beauty is what matters.” Well yes, inner beauty is a great thing but I know my husband appreciates it when I take a little extra time to dress up. I’m not talking about evening dresses and full face of makeup but something in the opposite direction of workout clothes.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I are far from perfect and have made our fair share of mistakes, but when I see my two boys I’m reminded of the love that brought us together in the first place. They are a constant reminder of why we need to keep working at our relationship and not allow our everyday routine to bog us down.


  1. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Look at the picture again, two people. Both of you have to learn how to share responsibility. Mom you have to let go of some responsibilities. Mom believe that only they are the nester. Trust your spouse, he will make mistakes but retrain him. Once the two of you are balanced in responsibilities then look at each other and ask”how do we make each other happy? What do we do for enjoyment?” Plan it out, believe me it will take work, hard for mom’S to give up responsibilities.


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