Carrying on After a Miscarriage


In January of 2007, while I was married to my first husband, I found out I was pregnant.  Two months later, while my parents were visiting for the weekend, I started to feel severe cramping.  After discovering I was bleeding, I called the doctor’s emergency line and explained what was going on.  The doctor called me back and said I had to wait until the next morning to go in, since I was scheduled for an appointment anyway.  He said if I was having a miscarriage, there was not much that could be done and I needed to let it run its course.  What?  I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.  Let it run its course?!?  Absolutely not!  So, I asked my mom to take me to the hospital to get checked.  My mom drove me to the hospital, and after a couple of hours, I received the sad news…I was having a miscarriage.  I had already started to form a bond with this baby that was growing inside of me.  How could I be miscarrying?!?  The doctor at the hospital told me I needed to go home and rest and let the miscarriage happen on its own.  How on earth was I supposed to get through that at home?  Thank God I my mom was with me; she stayed with me all night.

The next day, I went to my scheduled doctor’s appointment and was told I’d need dilation and curettage (D&C) because I had not completed the miscarriage on my own.  The next day (two days after discovering I was miscarrying), I went in to have the D&C done.  I remember being alone in the room and sobbing so much it seemed that no amount of tissues would be enough.  I remember the procedure, I remember what it felt like, I remember the sounds of the machines, I remember how I cold it was, I remember everything about that awful day.  I remember that after the procedure was complete, the doctor told me that the embryo and fetus never formed.  I had all the signs of pregnancy; the morning sickness, the cravings, even the high hCG levels- but no embryo.  I was pregnant but carrying nothing but a sac.  I had created a bond with a sac, and all along thought there was a baby.  I went home and cried…for DAYS.

The following week was my 26th birthday and, as planned, I took some time off and went to San Antonio to celebrate with my family.  The problem was that I couldn’t celebrate.  I couldn’t allow myself to feel happy.  I was with my entire family but  I felt so alone.  I felt as though no one in the world knew how I felt.  I felt so lost and so sad.  I decided to pray; that was the only thing that made me feel better.  I turned to my faith and prayed daily that God make me a stronger person and allow to me to see that everything does happen for a reason.  I wanted to ask “why” but I came to terms with the fact that God has a plan for us all and He knows what He does.  I believed that my miscarriage was for a reason, a greater plan that I couldn’t understand at the time.  Several months after my miscarriage, my husband and I divorced.  At that point, I was far from understanding any plans God had for my life but I kept my faith.

In 2008, I discovered I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome– where many small cysts grow on the ovaries and cause a hormonal imbalance that can cause problems getting pregnant.  I had a cyst that had grown so large, it burst and the fluid stayed in my pelvic cavity which caused the greatest pain I’ve ever felt.  My OBGYN told me that this was something we could work through but I would need to be on contraceptives to help reduce the number and minimize the size of the cysts.  He also said that when I decided I wanted to get pregnant, I would need to plan so that I could be taken off any meds and still be monitored.  This was the second factor, after my miscarriage, that made me think I’d really have a difficult time getting pregnant and that maybe, just maybe, a baby wasn’t in my future.

In 2011, after a routine check-up with my OBGYN, I was told that I had endometriosis– a health disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb grow in other areas of the body, which can lead to pain, irregular bleeding and guess what? Problems getting pregnant!  How in the world could I ever expect to become pregnant and successfully carry a baby when I had all these obstacles in the way?  Remember that I said I relied on my faith and trusted in God’s plan?  Well, I turned to it more than ever.  I prayed to God every day that He let me know what His plan for my life was.  God was listening because only a few short months later I married Mike and soon after found out I was PREGNANT!  I was PREGNANT but high risk.  The term of my pregnancy and what I went through daily is another story {which I will share some day}.  I prayed every day that God send me a healthy baby  and that He did!  I gave birth to Klarissa in December of 2011 and God has shown me what His big plan was for my life.  I am thankful every day for this beautiful blessing.


Maybe you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has.  Here is my best advice:

  • Take all the time you need– miscarrying is something you experience with your partner but only you truly know how it feels.  Take the time to grieve and cry as much as you need to.  Turn off your phone and spend some time alone or with your loved ones {that know about it, of course}.
  • Talk to your partner– you may feel you want to be alone {and that’s okay at times} but make sure to talk to your husband about how you feel and ask him how he feels.  Talking through it and showing each other support {remember, he is grieving too} will help you get through every day.
  • Prepare– plan how you and your husband will tell your family and friends.
  • Look to the future– when you are ready, discuss with your husband whether you want to try again and let your doctor know what your plans are.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help– we are amazing women but we can’t do everything alone…seek counseling if you feel you are having great difficulty getting past this.  No one is going to judge you…you are extraordinary and will only become stronger after what you’ve been through.

To any and all of you who have miscarried, I am truly sorry for your loss.  Have faith and remember that God has a plan for us ALL!


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