Mom to Mom: A Missed Opportunity for Compassion

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We’ve been on a travel spree lately, taking advantage of every minute together as a family after my husband recently returned from a short stint of duty in Iraq. All of our travels culminated in a family trip to Walt Disney World in Florida! It’s the happiest place on earth, but believe me when I say people can be vicious at Disney World! I couldn’t believe the lack of compassion and multitude of selfishness and impatience all around me! 

Coming Home from Disney

If I thought the adults at Disney were bad, nothing could have prepared me for our trip home. I can’t say for sure that all of the people on our flight were returning from Disney, but most of us had on Mickey Mouse attire or souvenir bags. As we prepared to board the plane, a lady and her toddler (who was throwing a tantrum) had everyone’s attention. It was hard not to notice her son screaming and crying as he threw himself on the floor or ran down the boarding ramp.

It was obvious that this lady was desperate to board the plane so that she could get her son calmed down. She was the first in line when they made the call for pre-boarding with a child under two years of age. As her son continued with his tantrum, I felt bad and desperately wanted to do something out of compassion for her situation. So many people were staring and judging every failed attempt to calm her son.

I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for her…or should I say embarrassed with her. I’ve been there. Haven’t we all?

Missed Opportunity for CompassionCompassion vs. Correction

My mother-in-law made the trip with us, so I had more than enough help with my own children. As the situation escalated, I had every intention to reach out in compassion and help this fellow mom. But it just kept getting worse. The United Airlines employee (she was a female) even told her toddler, “HEY! Be quiet!” The employee laughed after she said that, making it seem that she was joking. But we all knew that she wasn’t. It was evident that she was annoyed by the screaming toddler.

Who does that? Who tells a toddler to be quiet knowing that his mother has tried everything to calm him down?

Her unprofessionalism and lack of compassion made things even more awkward for the passengers waiting to board and managed to intimidate his anxious mother. To top it off, she made a sarcastic remark to the couple behind her about the child as the mom and her toddler finally boarded the plane. I was stunned! This mother was clearly overwhelmed trying to calm her toddler — all in front of an unforgiving audience — and then the worker has the audacity to tell him to be quiet and talk about her to other passengers? 

I was holding my daughter and immediately handed her to my husband so I could help this woman. Then…I started thinking. I started questioning (in my head) what she’d say or do, or if she would even want my help.

Would I make things worse for her? Would she feel more embarrassed or reject my offer to help?

This lady was clearly stressed out, and I know she could have used my help — even if it was simply to know that she had someone else’s support. 

We Need to Stick Together — And Stick Up for Each Other

I’m saddened as I look back at the whole situation. The United employee was a woman. I can only assume she did not have children. I’m basing my assumption on her lack of compassion for this mother. It just does not make sense. Why she would embarrass this woman in such a way? Aren’t we, women, supposed to stick together? 

Forget the United employee. She was purely rude and ignorant in my opinion. So, what did I do, you ask? Nothing. I did nothing! 

I simply stood there like everyone else watching her struggle with her son. Trust me, I’m still upset at myself for it. Every inch of my being wanted to help her; wanted to let her know that she wasn’t alone. I wanted her to know that I’m a mom, too and I’ve struggled and I’ve been overwhelmed and alone. Why did I just stand there watching?

If we’re supposed to stick together, why did I do nothing to help her or to show she wasn’t alone? Why did I freeze? Was I afraid of what people would say? Did I just take for granted that someone else would do something to help her? I still don’t have the answers to those questions but whatever the reason is for doing nothing that day I should have.

As I write this I’m still thinking about this woman and the look of shame on her face. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but it makes me sad and it sucks. I can’t go back and change what I did or didn’t do so there’s really no use in agonizing over it now. But this year, I vow to take action, to offer the help, even if it’s declined.

I challenge you to join me in supporting other women, to choose to help other women despite being strangers, to have the courage to stand up for a fellow mom in her time of need. I vow to make the move and take the chance, with the hope that if the day ever comes when I’m overwhelmed, intimidated, and alone, someone will have the courage to stand up for me. 

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Ruth
Originally a Rio Grande Valley native, Ruth now resides in San Antonio where she serves on active duty in the Army. After a short year of attending college, she decided to join the military to fulfill her desire to serve her country. She met her very patient and awesome husband of six years, Humberto (also a veteran), while in high school. Together they have two happy and beautiful children, Humberto, Jr. and Rebecca. Ruth is a God fearing woman and when she’s not in uniform or chasing after her very curious and active kids she enjoys reading the Bible, writing, and playing with make-up. You can catch a glimpse of her on YouTube where she posts about anything from make-up tutorials, motherhood tips, and the occasional life advice. You can also read about her journey through motherhood on her personal blog, letterstobecca.com.

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